11/18/2005

Stay the course motherfucker, stay the course

Mr. Bush & The Back-seat Drivers
by DarkSyde
Thu Nov 17, 2005 at 01:50:13 PM CST

I bet we've all been a part of the back-seat driver defense at one time or another. You know the syndrome right? The back-seat driver wants veto power over the driver, but not responsibility for consequences. It's a pretty sweet deal if you can get it, because you can tell the driver to haul ass through a school zone or knock down mailboxes, and not worry about paying for a ticket or getting it on your record, or having to endure comedy defensive driving which is about as comedic as syphilis.

Sometimes the driver gets pissed that he has damages and tries to get the back-seat driver to help pay for it. Of course if the driver has half a brain he'll say "OK, I'm gonna take out these mail boxes and drive through some yards and flower beds like an M-1 Tank, but if we get in any trouble, we all pay our share of the consequences; agreed?". In which case the driver would have at least a partial case in his own mind if the backseaters tried to pathetically squirrel out. ...

What is truly pathetic to behold is if the driver says "Hey, I feel like hauling ass through some flower beds, is that OK with you" and one backseater says "Sure man, it's your car, as long as you know what you're doing" and the other backseater says "With your luck and your brains? Hell no!" and then when the driver is on the side of the road feeling the TASER from the State Police, he stutters to both between jolts "Y-y-y-you know, I e-e-e-e-e-xpect you to share in the d-d-d-d-damages and sentence because you w-w-w-w-went along with this".

See, if the driver tried to pretend that because one dumbass in the back seat said he didn't care if the driver wanted to fuck up his own Hummer and his own police record, then everyone in the backseat is just as responsible as he is, even the folks who disagreed loudly, that would be extra special pathetic...

I guess makes it particularly appropriate for the man-child who occupies the White House to try trotting out the same pitiful back seat driver defense, even though he was behind the wheel the whole time and thought the entire escapade up. The thing is though, every one remembers that it was his idea, and that he wouldn't take no for an answer, and that he pushed and connived and pleaded with the back-seat to go along and then did it anyway even when a bunch of them said no. And everyone remembers that when things were looking good, he didn't invite anyone from Europe or the democratic party to prance beside him hand-in-hand in a flight suit on the deck of a carrier when he spoke nationally on what a goddamn macho badass warrior he was. No, no, that was all for him. But as soon as shit went south, there he was on national TV trying to invoke the back-seat driver defense even though he wasn't in the fucking back-seat and came up with the idea in the first place. And for the back-seat driver defense to work, you really do have to have been in the back-seat, not behind the wheel with your frat-brother Dick sitting next to you steering across the console while you looked back at the backseaters arguing, screaming, and begging them to go along, promising it will be your responsibility and everything will work out fine, no hassles at all.

Now normally the American Passenger is apathetic and easily misled. The average backwoods Redstate confederate flag-waving, billy beer swilling, inbred clown doesn't care much about the nuances of nukes Vs aluminum tubes, or he said she said spats over meetings in Prague, they don't even know where Prague is. But they intimately understand the dynamics of the back-seat driver defense from personal experience, and they distinctly remember the seating arrangements when the whole fucked up drunken off-roading across lawns began.

And sure, they like the motherfucker in the front seat who owns the Hummer a lot more than the pussies in the back-seat who ride the bus, but they don't feel very good about lying and selling out the sacred back-seat driver principle just to take a little heat off the driver and his sidekick. It's not their Hummer afterall, and he's not the only one that has a cool ride. They might be willing to murmur some agreement and support, but really, they don't like being put in the position of having to lie repeatedly and they wish the driver would just shut the fuck up and take the hit, because it's embarrassing them to see him up there using the speaker at Jack-n-the-Box to whine away about his personal troubles when he's just supopsed to be ordering fastfood for the rest of the passengers. It makes him look like a whiny pussy when they prefer to think of him as a bold, responsible driver.

But the driver is an idiot, albeit it an idiot with a Hummer--no surprise there--who has decided his best bet is to portray himself as a weak whiny weasel and he happens to be driving toward Deadman's Cliff. So really, the only question isn't how long will it take the passengers to find another guy who will cart them around and do the driving if they pay for the gas in a big SUV--which if you think about, when the price of fuel has doubled, won't be that hard to find. No the question is what should the driver do? Well I gotta tell you, if the rest of passengers manage to jump out in time or are dumb enough to stay in the vehicle even as it speeds up, and there's no one left for him to run over, my advice for the Driver is to stay the course motherfucker, stay the course.

Daily Kos: Mr. Bush & The Back-seat Drivers

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