Heaviest element in nature discovered in Washington DC

Author unknown. This is a slightly altered from the popular version by yours truly. As usual, my edits are in italics -- law

Harvard has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. This new element has been tentatively named "Administratum." Administratum has one 1 neutron, 1 vice neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 110 assistant deputy neutrons giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force called Morons which are surrounded by vast quantities of "Lepton-like" particles called "Voters"

Usually Administratum is inert. However it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes in contact. One minute amount of Administratum causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Administratum has a normal half-life of 4 years. It does not decay but instead undergoes a series of electrion exchanges which force a re-organization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons and assistant deputy neutrons exchange places

In fact Administratum's mass will actually increase over time, since electrions cause the addition of proton-cronies and brings in some fresh Morons and reorganization causes some Morons to become Neutrons forming Isodopes. This characteristic of Moron promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratum is formed whenever Morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass”

Recently a particularly insidious kind of Administratum has been found in Washington DC. It is not inert and attacks any carbon rich elements in it’s vicinity. In addition it has the ability to nullify electrions and leaks dangerous quantum bits from it’s core, smearing anyone around trying to contain it. Scientists have been trying to keep it within bounds for 5 years with very limited success. Our only hope resides on the possibility that the extensive leaks and smears from this insidious Administratum would weaken it’s core and cause it’s decay before the next electrion exchange


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