The Daily Humorscope

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

You will discover that you've always had the power to go home, simply by tapping the heels of your bunny slippers together. Unfortunately, as you will also soon discover, it's not your home.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Excellent day to be boisterous. Avoid obstreperousness, however.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Your requests are being ignored. Often you can get people to pay attention by simply adding a few words to the end of your request, such as "Pick up your socks, dear, or die screaming."

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

In a surprising twist, the failure of another large London-based bank will be blamed on you, today. C'est la vie, non?

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

In one of those amusing misunderstandings that often happen due to bad phone connections, you will show up to go on a hike with something unexpected. If you stop and think about it, you'll realise that it isn't that likely someone would say "It may be cold, so be sure to bring a goat."

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

You will wrestle with your conscience today, but will be disqualified for using an illegal hold.

Libra (September 22 - October 22)

You will independently re-discover an old Celtic trick, which will help considerably with an upcoming math test. In particular, you'll find that painting yourself blue may do little for your own mathematical abilities, but it will be a significant distraction for everyone else.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Let a smile be your umbrella, today. Tomorrow: letting a grimace be a pair of hip-waders.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Excellent day for standing barefoot on the lawn and wiggling your toes. Under no circumstance should you stand barefoot on the lawn and wiggle your nose. It simply isn't done.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)

Not only is this a good day to throw a tantrum, but there's a good chance that you might set a new distance record!

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)

A bit of investigation is called for, today. Look for clues that seem out of place. Also, check with the man behind the curtain.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Good day to start learning the violin. Interestingly, your neighbors will volunteer to pay for lessons. It's selfless gestures like that which really help friendships blossom.

The Daily Humorscope


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