11/02/2004

Rove cries, Mari Matalin calm, rumors abound

Wonkette

From Wonkette

Mom Wonkette Sends In Some Exits #

7:50 p.m.

Evidently everyone gets exit polls now:

Dear Sweetie:

I'm forwarding you these numbers someone sent me. I think they have something to do with the election!

Mr. Drudge says I shouldn't pay attention to them, and these other folks say they're bad because you might make the nice people on TV follow your lead. YOU ALREADY CRASHED THE STOCK MARKET -- ISN'T THAT ENOUGH DAMAGE FOR ONE DAY? Anyhow, I really think we can call Ohio for Kerry.

Love,

Mom

PS, If you ever want to talk about your drinking, I'm here for you.


http://www.wonkette.com/

Karl Rove Attempts To Emit Human Tears #

6:40 p.m.
Naturally, we don't want to jump any guns here. Oh sure we do, we'll jump just about anything by this point. More squawking:

A certain high ranking former republican senator called Karl Rove around 5:15 this evening. Bush's brain sounded "dejected" and gave less than a 30% chance for a Bush win.


Birdie Chatter: Carville In Ecstasy #

6:10 p.m.

James Carville, everyone's favorite analyst/bald sex-gnome, is declaring smashing exit polls for Dems, we hear third or fourth or maybe fifth hand . . . ooo! Hands everywhere! it's like an O'Reilly phone call over here! Also: turnout of 121 million. We picture him doing some sort of naked, Ashlee-esque jig, but then we hit ourselves in the forehead with our NBC-emblazoned mini Dewars bottle and the image passes. We also hear there's a whole lot of conservative operatives [panicking] themselves. Of course, not Mary Matalin -- as an alien life form, she does not...

Wonkette Answers: Where and How To Drink #

6:05 p.m.

This is my first election in Washington. What to do? I went to Local 16 last weekend, and when I realized you weren’t there, it was super-lame! Should I go to ESPNZone to ride out the night, or maybe hit the Pharmacy Bar to avoid it?"

Local 16 is a fine institution and I will not have you slander it. Except when it's taken over by the Princeton Young Alumni Association, in which case, don't just slander it, but go throw lukewarm Jell-o on the patrons.

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