Reach out and sneer: Dem radicals speak to the Red States | The Register

Reach out and sneer: Dem radicals speak to the Red States | The Register: "Reach out and sneer: Dem radicals speak to the Red States
By New Democrat Outreach Program
Published Sunday 7th November 2004 12:30 GMT

Comment The defeated Kerry may have called for unity last week, but already radical elements inside and outside of the Democrat party are arguing for the abandonment of the old ways of cosy consensus. One such organisation, formed even as the last queues for the ballots ebbed away, styles itself 'The New Democrat Outreach Program.' The Register has been contacted by one NDOP activist, styling himself Commandante Camembert, with an early draft of the organisation's first communique to the nation. 'We must,' says Camembert, 'learn to speak to all of the people. But we mustn't be afraid to sneer when we do it.'

We think they've got that right already, although the 'outreach' may need some work. Anway, here it is:
An open letter to the Red-State victors:

With hard work and superb organization, you have triumphed over John Kerry and the forces of Blue-state paternalism. Congratulations. The multinational corporations that hold you in bondage remain free to profit off your sweat nearly tax free, while their overpaid senior execs continue to pay a pittance in personal income tax.

Your primary and secondary schools will continue to turn out third-rate pupils with limited opportunities, while you enjoy the satisfaction of making it on your own without health care when a catastrophic illness bankrupts your family.

Your agricultural universities will continue issuing Ph.D.s in football, and bogus Protestant Evangelical and Fundamentalist theology, and how to jerk off a bull safely. Your children will learn to borrow enough money to erect chicken houses so that they, like you, can take custody -- not possession, but custody -- of Tyson's chicks, feed them, rear them, assume losses from those that fail to thrive, and in the end earn just enough money to service their endless debt, and realize a profit of perhaps $12K a year. Your bank thanks you; Tyson thanks you; George W. Bush thanks you; and I thank you.


Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home