11/02/2004

57 Reasons Kerry Can't Win, sanitized

From my e-mail
57 Reasons Kerry Can't Win

1. "Global test"
2. Hamsters
3. Did he serve in Vietnam?
4. Botox
5. He's the liberal senator from Massachusetts
6. Teresa
7. The Supreme Court
8. John Edwards's hair
9. Your new tax bracket
10. Emma Claire and Jack Edwards (Sure, they seem like adorable
little kids, but they'll become annoying — most little kids who
aren't yours do.)
11. Trial lawyers
12. Bob Shrum (If the curse of the Bambino must end, we need the
curse of Shrum to survive.)
13. Alan Colmes must not enjoy this triumph over Sean Hannity
14. Al Franken
15. Dana Milbank
16. Michael Moore
17. Dan Rather
18. Richard Clarke
19. Madeleine Albright
20. Ann Lewis
21. Paul Begala
22. James Carville
23. Joe Lockhart
24. Chris Lehane
25. Chief Justice Hillary Rodham Clinton
26. Attorney General Eric Holder
27. FBI Director Jamie Gorelick
28. U.N. Ambassador Chuck Hagel
29. Defense Secretary Carl Levin
30. HUD Secretary Al Sharpton
31. Little League on the White House lawn replaced by badminton in
whites — or croquet
32. Increased U.N. oversight in Iraq
33. Sunset of the Patriot Act ...
..
37. Vice President Edwards in charge of tort reform
..
43. Boston has already won a more important victory.
44. A Catholic president should be allowed to take communion.
..
48. State dinner for French president Jacques Chirac
49. Special envoy Bill Clinton
50. Energy Secretary Gray Davis
51. Secretary of State Richard Holbrooke
52. White House weddings for Vanessa and Alexandra
..
55. The Red Sox cap
56. "Zshen-jis Khan"
57. The mustard-colored jacket

By NRO Staff

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