10/19/2004

A Day in the Life of Joe Republican

Update: Credit where it's due: Welcome to MichaelMoore.com!: "Day in the Life of Joe Middle-Class Republican - by John Gray"

Joe gets up at 6 A.M. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his
morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging
liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards.

With his first swallow of coffee, he takes his daily medication. His
medications are safe to take because some stupid commie liberal fought
to insure their safety and that they work as advertised.

All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical
plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid
medical insurance - now Joe gets it too. He prepares his morning
breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some
girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.


In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is
properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total
contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what
he was putting on his body and how much it contained.

Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes
is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for laws to
stop industries from polluting our air.

He walks to the subway station for his government-subsidized ride to
work. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees

because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public
transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a
contributor.

Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical
benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy
liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe's

employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his
employees to call the union. If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes
unemployed, he'll get a worker
compensation or unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn't
think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.

Its noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some
bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some
godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers
who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression.

Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market

federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and
the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more
money over his lifetime.

Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his

farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is
among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought

for car safety standards. He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the
third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home
Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans. The
house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck
his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification.

He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on
Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking,
cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe
wouldn't have to.

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk
show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and
conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that the beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout
his day.

Joe agrees: "We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our
lives!

After all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have."

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